The words we say
On 11 November, Singles’ Day, young people across South Africa celebrate freedom, selfies, and self-care.
We excitedly say “I love you” to our friends, pets, playlists, influencers, and even food. But “I’m in love with you”?
That one seems to have vanished from our vocabulary.
It is not that Gen Z does not feel deeply; if anything, they feel intensely, but somewhere between memes, therapy talk, and the pursuit of the “soft life,” love has become a word that’s both overused and underlived.
“I love you” has become accessible, aesthetic, and safe, while “I’m in love with you” feels like a risk not worth taking.
The difference matters
At first glance, the two phrases sound interchangeable, but emotionally, they live in different worlds.
“I love you” is affectionate and broad, the linguistic equivalent of a warm hug. It is something we say to those we value, admire, or connect with.
“I’m in love with you,” on the other hand, is personal and deliberate.
It carries vulnerability, intent, and accountability. It’s a declaration that shifts a relationship from comfort to commitment.
We often seem to blur the line, and when we do, we build fragile connections that feel significant in the moment but struggle to stand the test of time when the context changes.
Why Gen Z blurs the line
For Gen Z, love exists in a world of constant expression.
Social media has turned affection into content and emotional expression into performance.
“I love you” becomes shorthand for warmth, loyalty, or belonging, a linguistic “like button” for the people we care about.
Many young people crave authenticity and shared interests, which global platforms call “freak-matching,” or finding someone who truly aligns with your vibe, quirks, and values, rather than just looks.
Young daters reflect this trend as well: shared values, cultural alignment, and personality often outweigh superficial attraction, but in chasing those connections, many end up curating them.
In South Africa, relationships are shaped by more than individual desire.
Economic realities, cultural alignment, family expectations, and local traditions influence how young people connect.
Platforms like TikTok dominate youth communication, and the pressure to broadcast affection online can make private feelings feel performative.
Many South African youths navigate these pressures while also dealing with digital fatigue, rising costs, and the instability of modern life.
Love becomes a source of comfort, not necessarily a commitment.
The festive blur
As the year winds down and social feeds fill with holiday check-ins, festive invites, and end-of-year reflections, Gen Z is navigating a terrain where affection is traded easily but commitment still feels elusive.
This yearly Singles’ Day phenomenon really highlights the beauty of being single and gives us a great way to think about how “I love you” is something we hear often, while “I’m in love with you” still feels pretty rare.
The cost of confusion
When we do not distinguish between “I love you” and “I’m in love with you,” we risk miscommunication.
People expect depth where only warmth was promised, and relationships become performative and not intentional.
Also, the casualness of the words can hurt both the giver and receiver, then erodes the understanding of what love truly entails over time.
Jessica Gbedemah 12 Sep 2025 Reclaiming the meaning of love
Language shapes the way we love, and “I love you” should still mean something, but so should “I’m in love with you.”
One is about connection; the other, about decision, and being expressed selflessly.
As December approaches and the single-life selfies give way to holiday couples’ posts, the time is right to ask: when you click “I love you”, are you saying comfort or commitment?
Be reminded that clarity does not kill romance; it strengthens it.
Focus less on saying “I love you” often, and more on whether you truly mean it.
True love is not about timing, trends, or social media performance, but about choosing someone fully, intentionally, and without display because love is not just a caption but a choice.
